A New Start

Ok, so I start my new job in two weeks. I've resigned from jobs before, my last one being one within my "career". But I have never felt like I did when I gave them the word here. I was shaken by the experience.

That last job ending was my own doing, but it was planned out for months. I had decided to go back to school and, slowly, had come to the reality that my current job at the time was just that...a job. It was not at all a career and never would be. I had approached the managers there about a pay increase and had been told that it wasn't in the cards for me. There wasn't just writing on the wall at that place, there was a a guy using a loud speaker next to my head yelling "GO!" So, I went.

At my current work, I felt like I was starting a career - I ended feeling like I'm leaving a job. The words mean different things - to me, at least. I gave myself and this place five years to make things happen and they never did. When I tried to make a change by applying and interviewing for an internal position, I was told that there was a rule not to promote that way. I was perfectly qualified for the job, they said, but just not promoteable. I even asked our HR department about it and had them say the same thing. It was when I realized that others were not being held to that same rule that I looked over to see that same guy with the microphone in his hand and a smile on his face. He had been yelling "GO!" for a while and I was ignoring him.

Anyways, I was shaken by the experience of resigning this time. I'm not positive as to why, but I have my theories:

1) I DO have a family to support now. Two babies and a wife who depend on me. "Bring home the bacon, baby!", my wife frequently jokes without really realizing how stressful that can be. Quitting the known to venture out into the unknown is risky. Is it my risk to take anymore?

2) I started my career here. Remember, I was at a JOB before this place. When I started here, it was a career and I dedicated myself to it on a level I hadn't before. I made connections, set roots, etc. What was I expecting? These days, you rarely find a place to start your career that will be the same place you retire from.

3) My friends. I know this is sort of included in the Number 2, but it's big. Hell, I'm still nervous at to how things will go at the new place. I don't know ANYone there. I'll be on my own. This will definately alter my routine for a while. But I keep reminding me that it will settle down, I willl settle in and a new routine will be formed.

I'm so philisophical this morning because I'm almost done with a book I've been reading titled "Who Moved My Cheese?". Sounds like a silly title, and it definately has some silly parts, and I don't usually advertise books, but the message was clearly something I needed to hear. Now that I'm making a change in my life, I wish I would've read this book years ago. I may not have read the same message then, though.

Sometimes...you have to be ready.

I am now.